The Good, the pure, and the lovely

     The greatest fear of a control freak is quite naturally, the loss of control.  I have never felt more helpless than I have this summer.  Driving my feelings, is the deep treachery dealt by my own body, knowing that at it's cellular and genetic level, it betrayed me.  Strangely enough, I started noticing my symptoms right after the "healthiest" phase of my life and that complicates my vulnerability.  Then, despite various efforts on my part, I watched my health decline for at least three to four years.  I feel powerlessness and ineffectual.  After weeks and possibly even months or years of emotional frustration, I wrote a list. I like lists.  They help me take control and feel powerful.  I inventoried all the actions and activities that deliver the sensation of standing at the helm of my own life.  I am completely aware that this may be just an illusion, but I have never appreciated or felt easy in the passive state, allowing life to "just happen" to me.  I

Survivorship and Looking Forward Living Life with Stage IV ALK+ Lung Cancer     Cancer changes everything.  Early this summer, the ground beneath our family shook, cracked open and formed a whole new dimension.  At least, that is what it felt like when we received my diagnosis of Stage IV Lung cancer in late June.  Now we face the challenge of living with a diagnosis that holds the status of "incurable disease" and hangs a cloud over our heads.   Not so many years ago, even a decade ago, a diagnosis like this brought with it a life expectancy of around a year and a stint in Chemotherapy that brought many accompanying side effects.  Now, thanks to modern medical discoveries and a huge blessing from the Lord, we have a new medicine that offers us years together before facing Chemotherapy and possible further treatments.  While this medicine does not promise a cure or a long life, it gives us time together.  With that time comes hope that more medical advances hover on the horiz