Celebrate the Control Freak
The greatest fear of a control freak is quite naturally, the loss of control. I have never felt more helpless than I have this summer. Driving my feelings, is the deep treachery dealt by my own body, knowing that at it's cellular and genetic level, it betrayed me. Strangely enough, I started noticing my symptoms right after the "healthiest" phase of my life and that complicates my vulnerability. Then, despite various efforts on my part, I watched my health decline for at least three to four years. I feel powerlessness and ineffectual. After weeks and possibly even months or years of emotional frustration, I wrote a list. I like lists. They help me take control and feel powerful. I inventoried all the actions and activities that deliver the sensation of standing at the helm of my own life. I am completely aware that this may be just an illusion, but I have never appreciated or felt easy in the passive state, allowing life to "just happen" to me. I need action, choices, influence and authority. I want the comfort that comes from believing that I am able to choose my own route on a daily basis. I wrote in a flurry, not stopping to worry about repetitive statements or the scientific/realistic/actual impact of each entry.
"Concentrate on What I can DO to give my body the best chance to HEAL!
(there is no way to properly reflect the triple underline beneath "heal" on the computer)
*****Notes are and were for my own empowerment, not ever thinking it was a to-do-list or "measuring stick". I just like lists and I love writing! It made me feel better. It still does. I see all the things that bring me joy and sigh, knowing I have even more reasons and ways to fight cancer. Hence, I gave it an extra and new title below.****
"Concentrate on What I can DO to give my body the best chance to HEAL!
(there is no way to properly reflect the triple underline beneath "heal" on the computer)
*****Notes are and were for my own empowerment, not ever thinking it was a to-do-list or "measuring stick". I just like lists and I love writing! It made me feel better. It still does. I see all the things that bring me joy and sigh, knowing I have even more reasons and ways to fight cancer. Hence, I gave it an extra and new title below.****
JOY LIST, THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY & QUIRKY THINGS I LIKE
1. Eat more veggies.
2. Eat cancer fighting foods (especially in-season) as often as possible.
3. Make a list of foods to eat/things to do and post on the refrigerator.
4. Drink water - Hydrate!!! (No triple underline here, but there are three exclamation points)
5. Exercise moderately.
6. Be active - Do something every day that makes me feel productive.
7. Pray
Pray often, without ceasing. I can "text", "Snapchat", or "pop-corn prayer" to the Lord at any moment.
8. Pray deeply.
Take time daily to pray "deeply".
9. My spiral prayer plan or "panic prayer plan" for the moments (specifically late at night) when fear begins to overtake me.
Start with my concerns - praise God - tell God his attributes - thank God for my blessings - Brian - Kids B.A.E. - Close Family - Extended Family - Friends and Church Family - Praise God - Thank God - Always leave room to talk to God more - it's the prayer that never ends.
10. Laugh often.
11. Enjoy music.
-listen
-play
-sing
-give heart in song
12. Write:
texts
emails
cards (thank yous, compassion & care)
lists
essays
journal
social media posts
13. Be grateful.
- Say "thank-you" often, out loud and internally.
14. Listen
-to family, friends, GOD, physicians
15. Read.
-choose carefully!
16. Take time to be quiet.
17. Cuddle, hug (husband, kids, family, dog, friends . . )
18. Listen to much advice -
-Be willing to CHOOSE who to listen to, what to listen to and when to listen.
19. Discard advice that:
-Is harmful
-Is non-Biblical or goes against Biblical principles
-Is from untrustworthy sources
-Doesn't "feel right"
20. Ask for help.
21. Seek humility.
22. Make time for friendship.
23. Be a friend.
24. Do things for others.
25. Make plans.
26. Know that plans change and accept that.
27. Make goals.
28. Change goals when appropriate.
29. Be flexible.
30. Take vitamins.
31. Believe in the placebo effect.
32. Utilize the placebo effect.
33. Pray for the faith of a mustard seed.
34. Have faith.
35. Believe in faith.
36. Listen to the Holy Spirit - be sensitive to it.
37. Listen to your inner voice, conscience - be sensitive to it.
38. Know that the Holy Spirit and your inner voice are different.
39. (Know) The Holy Spirit trumps your inner voice every single day.
40. Study the Bible.
41. Attend worship services/church/Bible studies.
42. Limit activities (even church related) to what you can handle and still have time to work, rest and have fun!
43. Encourage others.
44. Pray for others.
45. Council others when prompted by
1. following the Holy Spirit
2. listening first to their thoughts, ideas and needs
3. making room for my limitations and needs
46. Always put Family first. They are your FIRST and MOST important ministry.
47. Accept change.
48. Admit failures.
49. Face Fears.
50. Relate/Share/Admit/Face hard emotions, sadness, despair, etc.
51. Re-read the list.
52. Add to the list as inspiration strikes.
53. Enjoy plants, gardening, growth.
54. Trust.
55. Hope.
56. Walk - outside, inside . . .
57. Ride bike.
58. Indulge in small treats often.
59. Indulge in large treats occasionally.
60. Believe.
61. Plan.
62. Be compassionate.
63. Stretch - physically, emotionally, mentally.
64. Listen to physicians and medical team.
65. Remember that medical personnel are not gods or immune to faults and mistakes.
66. Be willing to disagree with medical staff.
67. Seek multiple opinions from medical professionals.
68. Pray for medical team.
69. Pray for researchers.
70. Give grace, kindness and compassion to medical faculty. THEY are just humans TOO!
71. De-clutter often.
72. Enjoy your blessings.
73. Smile often.
74. Cry when necessary.
75. Allow yourself to laugh with abandon.
76. Laugh at embarrassing moments.
77. Realize that (all) your knowledge (often/always?) originated with someone else's ideas.
78. Give credit where credit is due.
79. Say "thank you" to compliments and refrain from arguing or correcting the one giving the compliment.
80. Give compliments honestly, openly and frequently.
81. Recognize the teachers in your life.
82. Realize that difficult circumstances and painful events are often the best teachers.
83. Always look for the bright side of things.
84. Know that the dark side is there and occasionally needs acknowledged.
85. Deal with the dark, hard, difficult things.
86. Prevent the darkness from swallowing you up by seeking the good, the pure and the lovely.
87. Say "thank you".
88. Learn to apologize.
89. Fix mistakes when possible.
90. Learn from mistakes.
91. Be willing to fail.
92. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, strength and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.
93. There are no limits to how many neighbors you have.
94. Be inspired.
95. Inspire others.
96. Consider the lily of the field, it does not clothe itself, yet it is clothed in Glory. God loves you even MORE!
97. Buy yourself flowers.
98. Get rid of extra stuff - If you don't love it, find it useful or need it - GET RID OF IT!
99. ALWAYS take time for family - nothing else is as important!
100. Be happy for time with others - but be willing to pull in when you need rest privacy or space.
101. Be happy for others' successes and blessings.
.
1. Eat more veggies.
2. Eat cancer fighting foods (especially in-season) as often as possible.
3. Make a list of foods to eat/things to do and post on the refrigerator.
4. Drink water - Hydrate!!! (No triple underline here, but there are three exclamation points)
5. Exercise moderately.
6. Be active - Do something every day that makes me feel productive.
7. Pray
Pray often, without ceasing. I can "text", "Snapchat", or "pop-corn prayer" to the Lord at any moment.
8. Pray deeply.
Take time daily to pray "deeply".
9. My spiral prayer plan or "panic prayer plan" for the moments (specifically late at night) when fear begins to overtake me.
Start with my concerns - praise God - tell God his attributes - thank God for my blessings - Brian - Kids B.A.E. - Close Family - Extended Family - Friends and Church Family - Praise God - Thank God - Always leave room to talk to God more - it's the prayer that never ends.
10. Laugh often.
11. Enjoy music.
-listen
-play
-sing
-give heart in song
12. Write:
texts
emails
cards (thank yous, compassion & care)
lists
essays
journal
social media posts
13. Be grateful.
- Say "thank-you" often, out loud and internally.
14. Listen
-to family, friends, GOD, physicians
15. Read.
-choose carefully!
16. Take time to be quiet.
17. Cuddle, hug (husband, kids, family, dog, friends . . )
18. Listen to much advice -
-Be willing to CHOOSE who to listen to, what to listen to and when to listen.
19. Discard advice that:
-Is harmful
-Is non-Biblical or goes against Biblical principles
-Is from untrustworthy sources
-Doesn't "feel right"
20. Ask for help.
21. Seek humility.
22. Make time for friendship.
23. Be a friend.
24. Do things for others.
25. Make plans.
26. Know that plans change and accept that.
27. Make goals.
28. Change goals when appropriate.
29. Be flexible.
30. Take vitamins.
31. Believe in the placebo effect.
32. Utilize the placebo effect.
33. Pray for the faith of a mustard seed.
34. Have faith.
35. Believe in faith.
36. Listen to the Holy Spirit - be sensitive to it.
37. Listen to your inner voice, conscience - be sensitive to it.
38. Know that the Holy Spirit and your inner voice are different.
39. (Know) The Holy Spirit trumps your inner voice every single day.
40. Study the Bible.
41. Attend worship services/church/Bible studies.
42. Limit activities (even church related) to what you can handle and still have time to work, rest and have fun!
43. Encourage others.
44. Pray for others.
45. Council others when prompted by
1. following the Holy Spirit
2. listening first to their thoughts, ideas and needs
3. making room for my limitations and needs
46. Always put Family first. They are your FIRST and MOST important ministry.
47. Accept change.
48. Admit failures.
49. Face Fears.
50. Relate/Share/Admit/Face hard emotions, sadness, despair, etc.
51. Re-read the list.
52. Add to the list as inspiration strikes.
53. Enjoy plants, gardening, growth.
54. Trust.
55. Hope.
56. Walk - outside, inside . . .
57. Ride bike.
58. Indulge in small treats often.
59. Indulge in large treats occasionally.
60. Believe.
61. Plan.
62. Be compassionate.
63. Stretch - physically, emotionally, mentally.
64. Listen to physicians and medical team.
65. Remember that medical personnel are not gods or immune to faults and mistakes.
66. Be willing to disagree with medical staff.
67. Seek multiple opinions from medical professionals.
68. Pray for medical team.
69. Pray for researchers.
70. Give grace, kindness and compassion to medical faculty. THEY are just humans TOO!
71. De-clutter often.
72. Enjoy your blessings.
73. Smile often.
74. Cry when necessary.
75. Allow yourself to laugh with abandon.
76. Laugh at embarrassing moments.
77. Realize that (all) your knowledge (often/always?) originated with someone else's ideas.
78. Give credit where credit is due.
79. Say "thank you" to compliments and refrain from arguing or correcting the one giving the compliment.
80. Give compliments honestly, openly and frequently.
81. Recognize the teachers in your life.
82. Realize that difficult circumstances and painful events are often the best teachers.
83. Always look for the bright side of things.
84. Know that the dark side is there and occasionally needs acknowledged.
85. Deal with the dark, hard, difficult things.
86. Prevent the darkness from swallowing you up by seeking the good, the pure and the lovely.
87. Say "thank you".
88. Learn to apologize.
89. Fix mistakes when possible.
90. Learn from mistakes.
91. Be willing to fail.
92. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, strength and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.
93. There are no limits to how many neighbors you have.
94. Be inspired.
95. Inspire others.
96. Consider the lily of the field, it does not clothe itself, yet it is clothed in Glory. God loves you even MORE!
97. Buy yourself flowers.
98. Get rid of extra stuff - If you don't love it, find it useful or need it - GET RID OF IT!
99. ALWAYS take time for family - nothing else is as important!
100. Be happy for time with others - but be willing to pull in when you need rest privacy or space.
101. Be happy for others' successes and blessings.
.
